When You’re the One Everyone Turns To

When you’re the one everyone turns to for answers, who do you turn to?

There was a point in my HR career when I realised that being seen as “the expert” had quietly become isolating. The more experienced I became, the fewer people there were to confide in, to check ideas with, or to simply ask, “Does this sound right to you?”

‍

“The more people relied on me for answers, the less space I had to ask my own questions.”

‍

As the HR leader on the executive team, everyone looked tome to drive the people agenda and provide certainty in uncertainty. Yet inside, I often questioned whether I was getting it right. I only knew what I knew and over time that simple truth started to whisper doubts in my ear: What if that isn’t enough? What if I’m not good enough?

‍

The Quiet Erosion of Confidence

That whisper grew louder with every board meeting. I’d find myself replaying scenarios, rehearsing answers, worrying that I’d missed something obvious. The confidence that once felt natural became fragile, replaced by second-guessing and self-doubt.

And unlike many of my peers in other functions, I couldn’t simply talk it through. HR can be a lonely place. So much of what we deal with is confidential -sensitive issues, personal situations, organisational politics. There are limits to what we can share, even with trusted colleagues.

‍

“It’s an unspoken burden that many HR leaders carry: being the safe space for everyone else while having nowhere to lay down our own weight.”

‍

Over time, that isolation chipped away at my confidence and, eventually, my energy. What started as quiet worry before meetings became constant tension. I began to lose sight of the clarity that had once guided me, until burnout forced me to stop.

‍

‍From Burnout to Breakthrough‍

That experience was one of the hardest, but also one of the most important, turning points of my career. Through it, I created Noo HR and later Noo Coaching, because I never wanted other HR leaders to feel as alone as I did in those moments.

Today, I know that confidence isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being connected to yourself and to others who understand your challenges. When we have peers to talk with, to exchange ideas and experiences, the self-doubt begins to ease. We remember that we’re not meant to do leadership alone.

‍

If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your instincts, feeling the quiet weight of isolation, or wondering where your own safe space is, then it’s worth remembering that confidence grows through connection. When we step out of our own heads and into conversation with others who understand, we create the psychological safety our brains need to rebuild trust in ourselves.

‍

Rebuilding Confidence Through Connection

Leadership confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t, it’s something your brain continuously calibrates through feedback, reflection and connection. Neuroscience shows that when we talk through challenges with trusted peers, our brains release oxytocin, reducing stress and quieting the inner critic that fuels self-doubt.

‍

“Confidence isn’t built in isolation. It’s rebuilt in connection.”

‍

So if you’re feeling isolated, start small and reach out to one person this week who understands the unique weight of leadership. Share an honest moment or ask for their perspective. You’ll not only regain a sense of connection but also begin to retrain your mind to see yourself as capable, resourceful, and good enough, because you are.

‍

Join the Conversation

Join our free HR leaders’ community today to share and connect with others who truly understand the responsibility of leading people. It’s a safe, supportive space to exchange ideas, gain perspective, and rebuild confidence together.

‍

👉 Join the HR Leaders’ Community here

‍